Its April in 2017, and many things have changed. My job, the people around me, and es my lifestyle. It seems like a 180deg change back in Q3 2016.

Looking back at Q3 2016, I never thought I could survive after the huge change. I thought I would revert back to the TGIF Nicole, the party Nicole, and the forever not at home Nicole. And I was even looking to head back to the states to work, just like in 2013.

I found a new job, that allows me to head to the states, no matter how long, I agreed. I am still glad I left ASM, for the shift is killing me, and the job scope being not challenging enough. I am still happy with Illumina right now, although I am unsure how long I will be. No one knows, isnt it.

And then I found him, someone I knew since I was 13, but had never really caught my eye. Never knew things would progress to how it is now, but I am glad it did. Requesting not to go back to USA, hoping not to even go there for more than 2 weeks, all in the name of staying with him longer. He told me I was his childhood crush for awhile, its hard to believe since I think I am like shit back then, but, haha, alright. Sounds good to be sth like eye candy I guess.

I remember how it all started, and very happy it did, all the B2 days. Thinking back, I wasnt expecting anything out of B2 because all I wanted to do was not to think about unhappy stuffs. I panic after the second night, cause' I didnt expect him to. Still glad he did not give up when I tried to run away.

Things are good now, and every moment not seeing him, I missed him. I dont remember being like this in the past, I remember wanting many of Me-time as much as possible. So I guess, this is more real. And right now as I am typing this, I missed him. <3 J

But as the days go by, occasionally I lose the confidence, I lost what I thought I have. When I confide in friends, all I hear is to try going out more and I will understand where I stand. But I do not want to be like that, and I rather have Me-time. The more I think about it, sometimes the more depressing it is. So I tried to do more things to distract myself :) SLEEP! Pa game, run! Occasionally pa dart with xuanxuan. ^^v

And yeap, thats why I am here. :) To take something off my shoulder, to be more positive.

I always told myself, even your shadows leave you in the dark, for you trust no one. I hope you will not.

Signing off,
*Star