Hello diary,

It is of complete randomness that I can't sleep, and hence I am here. Unsure it is insomnia, or is my brain just do not want to sleep. Do not ask me why, cos I do not know either.

I lost my motivation at work everyday, and even when I am home after work, I felt restless and din want to do anything. Rejected many happy hours because my body need more sleep than alcohol, though my brain needs more alcohol than sleep - absolute confusion. Is this because I had stop almost my drinking session? I am unsure. And I am too tired to think about it.

Occasionally I felt like being alone, going to eat alone, walk alone, gym alone and do all the things I have done on my off shift which I hardly gt the time now. Used to slp by 10PM on admin shift, and i couldnt get to bed by 11 recently.

I miss my singing k sessions, my random pub chilling sessions, and even though sessions where we drank till morning. I know i am too old for those, but occasionally i reckon it should be fine? But time is so hard to coordinate. Or isit I did not make the effort? Rejected too many? :/

Many people walked out of my door last year, and as much as feeling upset, I understood it is part of life and appreciate those that stayed. Just like murphy's law, what will happen will happen. I just couldnt understand how they could forget the many years of friendship just like that. All the laughter and fun we shared, disappear into thin air.

Maybe it is time to give myself some alone time, to recharge, to rethink, to re-motivate myself in life.

Signing off,
XiaoMonster